No one is perfect!
Let me start this off by saying that no one is 100% perfect or innocent, myself included. Everyone has made a comment that wasn’t particularly nice about someone at some point in their life. What I am trying to focus on is the world we live in where we talk about women supporting each other. We talk about female empowerment, BUT at the same time women are the first ones to tear each other down. It is a mind-blowing thing to me!
I have watched girls tear each other down professionally & personally!
Let me share why this is a topic I am passionate about. My background is in counseling, I have a Master’s Degree of Science in Counseling with a focus on Mental Health Counseling & School Counseling as well. Bullying is a topic that I feel strongly about, & even more so that I have children. Bullying is something I had to focus on daily in my work in the schools. MOST of that bullying I dealt with as a counselor was centered around girls.
Your daughters are learning from YOU!
The fact that I have daughters that watch my EVERY move is something that I do not take lightly. They have “Mommy” up on a pedestal, as most daughters do. I have made a conscious decision NEVER to talk about anyone we know in a gossipy way in front of them. I do not want them to think this is how women act to each other. I used to know a girl who had more than one daughter. She would BASH BASH BASH people in front of them. I mean in laws, coworkers, “friends” you get the picture. I would look at her older daughter watching her every move. It was like the way my daughters look at me, in awe of their mother as any daughter is. I felt so horrible that this was the example she was setting about how women treat each other.
Why are women so competitive?
I believe that women are threatened by each other. They believe that one woman’s success can take away from their own. They do not believe in “community over competition.” This SO prevalent in the Influencer world. Everyone is comparing their numbers, & their stats with everyone around them. They are not taking the time to just work on their own success, WITHOUT the comparison of the success of others.
It is not just in the workplace!
Women are also competitive in the dating world, the friends world, etc. Some women get upset if friends get more attention than them when they are out & about. They feel competitive if they feel someone has a nicer bag or shoes. They get competitive about who is friends with who, or who is closer to who. So many superficial things bring out this competitive nature in women.
Insecurity will get to you!
Insecurity is a HUGE reason women behave like this to each other. Women tend to worry if they are good enough. We live in a world with filters, edited pictures, perfection seeming like the “norm.” When someone does not think they fit into this idea of “perfection” it can make them insecure. Insecurity can manifest in many ways. Being competitive is one of those ways.
How to break the cycle!
1)Focus on YOUR journey, not the journey of others.I worry about my success, & mine alone. I genuinely am HAPPY for others when they are successful. You should want to your loved ones to succeed & be happy (even if you aren’t where you would like to be at the moment). Your moment will come. Use the people around you for INSPIRATION for your own success. Do not look at it has a reminder of your failures or roadblocks.
2)Find a good girl tribe. Do NOT spend your time with people who make you feel less than. Do not hang around people who are NEGATIVE (even if its not directed at you). At work, walk away from people like this (you can’t just ignore them totally in this situation). Always be the better person & say hi but do not spend extra time with people who have a negative vibe. In your personal life, find women do NOT behave this way. My girl tribe in P-H-E-N-O-M-E-N-A-L. It took time to be FULLY happy with my friends in my life. It took years of weeding out toxic people, walking away from unhealthy friendships, & appreciating AMAZING friends once you have them in your life.
YOUR TIME IS PRECIOUS. DO NOT SPEND IT WITH PEOPLE WHO DO NOT WANT TO SEE YOU HAPPY, HEALTHY, & SUCCESSFUL!
3. Be aware of yourself! Do some self-reflecting. What are the areas you can be better in when it comes to how you treat the women around you! Do you gossip too much? Are you critical of other women on a regular basis? Do you feel angry inside when you see others doing well? Those are things going on inside YOU that you need to work on to get yourself healthy.
Life is too short to spend with so much negative energy build inside you. Happiness is such a lighter feeling. Let go of the heaviness of being angry, being competitive, being a “mean girl.”
We can do better for our daughters. We need to work on ourselves. Be a good example. Be the friend that we would want. We need to understand that one women’s success is a step in the right direction for ALL women.
Have you experienced female competitiveness as an adult? How did you handle it?
100% our kids are always watching.l us. You’re such a great Mommy and role model for your girls! I love this whole post!
Thank you!!!!! You are too Mama & a wonderful friend!!!!!!
Very encouraging !
Thank you!!!
Such an important post, I love everything you said. When I was 27 my therapist helped me understand that success and happiness are infinite, they don’t run out! I used to feel like there was this happiness pie and if someone had a piece of it there was less pie for me. This is nonsense, there is no pie! Success and happiness is unlimited in this world and another persons success does not take away from your own opportunity. Love expands your world and is infinite, but fear and jealousy do the opposite.
Yes! Women are the first to bring each other down. But it doesn’t have to be that way. So glad that you are SUCH an example of how women should be treating and uplifting each other!